disney cruise

Pairs well with Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

I'm here to insult equally. First up is adults who are Disney uber-fans (though I'm friends with a strange number of these people). On land, one could ignore these overzealous Disney maniacs by yelling “Mickey’s over there!” much the way we’d yell “Fire!” to distract normal humans. However, I’ve been trapped on a ship with Disney adults, once going to Alaska and once to the Caribbean. On the way to Alaska, my nine-year-old daughter was trampled by grandparents trying to get a better view of Elsa's snow show deck party or some nonsense. They even had the nerve to look irritated how much her tiny body slowed their run toward the stage. On the way to the Caribbean, my son almost lost an eye to a group of middle-aged men and their flailing swords at a pirate-themed deck party. This is where the insult to Infinite Jest and Wallace’s maximalist writing come into play. You bring this heavyweight of a book, not for reading purposes, but to be used as a brick-like weapon for protecting your small children from the people of Disney. Also, it can be used to anchor ships in the event of an emergency. Let’s face it, I’m not smart enough to figure out when the Year of the Whopper was. NOTE: I could post beautiful pictures of sunsets, islands, glaciers, and wildlife, but I need you to see the decks crowded with the worst sort of wildlife…Disney people.